My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
