I just cut my nipple shaving
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
either way he was missing a nipple.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
