just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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