How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize