this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
