I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
