Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
