Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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