I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
