i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
