You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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