he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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