What a fucking waste of an outfit
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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