Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
