I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
