So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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