Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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