why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
