He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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