we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize