I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
