On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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