SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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