Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
