I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize