do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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