I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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