im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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