I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
