we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
