Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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