i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
