can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize