It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
