I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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