Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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