Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
