did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
