She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
