Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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