The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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