I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
