i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
