He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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