none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
