Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if i can run in heels then i can drive
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
