Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
