I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
