Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
