I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Semen is not good for contacts.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
