Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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