All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
