I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
