Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
