You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
