Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
