he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
