not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
