i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
