I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
