I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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