I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
