Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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