so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize