I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
