I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
