I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
