There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
