I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
