I'm eating all of the evidence.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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