Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
